From Suzuki Roshi’s book, “Not Always So” page 77:
“If we do not have
some warm, big satisfaction in our practice, that is not true practice. Even though you sit, trying to count
your breath with right posture, it still might be lifeless zazen, because you
are just following instructions.
You are not kind enough to yourself. The purpose of instructions is to encourage you to be kind
with yourself. Do not count your
breaths just to avoid thinking mind but to take best care of your
breathing. If you are very kind
with your breathing, one breath after another, you will have a refreshed, warm
feeling in your zazen. When you
have a warm feeling in your body and your breath, then you can take care of
your practice, and you will be fully satisfied.”
Sometimes, I feel that we get lost in our reason for doing
zazen. It becomes a goal-oriented
achievement going towards some mystical ideal called “enlightenment.” When I think of my zazen like that, I
become more and more uptight! It
is a breeding ground for anxiety, striving, and an “I’m not good enough”
attitude. Instead, Suzuki Roshi
suggests that we learn, through each breath, how to take care of our life with
a warm and caring manner. The way
to our true satisfaction is through feeling practice in this way. As I wrote in the last blog, life
can be satisfying or “requited” if we find the wholeness and the underlying
mystery in each moment or activity.
We can enter the “temple of requited blessing” through gratitude and
kindness.
We often lose the point of our practice. Zazen is not about getting away from,
or transcending our life, but to the contrary, we learn to take real care and
have true respect for this one karmic life of ours. Katagiri-Roshi emphasized, at the end of his life, “Just
live, just live”. He had whittled
down practice to the essence - this moment is the oneness itself. Katagiri Roshi said: “To ‘go beyond’
means to stay in the human world, but to not be contaminated by the human
world.”
In the midst of greed, anger and ignorance, in the midst of
impermanence and loss, we are encouraged to maintain a kind and caring feeling
in our zazen and in our life. In
the midst of pain and sorrow, can we still have a warm, loving and satisfied
feeling in our life?
Our practice helps us to be kinder and more compassionate
people, if we are working with a large sense of the world, beyond our own
self-centered narrowness, and if we are working with kindness. Can we be kinder to ourselves? Instead
of using uber-disciplined and an ascetic tightness to try and find “detachment” or be
“good” Zen students, let us allow our practice to promote a warm and flexible
mind. Reb Anderson has called this – “detachment in the field of
Great Love”.
Labels: counting your breath, detachment, enlightenment, gratitude, Katagiri-Roshi, kindness, Ragir, Suzuki Roshi, zazen instructions